Last night I was discouraged. To most people you would have never known, but I was. My discouragement came from hearing many people share about their short term missions trips. Their conclusions were that in 2 weeks to 1 month it was so much fun & that 100's of people came to the Lord.
I was so joyful for their mission trips & the amazing things (fun & challenging) they experienced while overseas. I was also so amazed & excited for them being able to be there when 100's of people accepted Jesus into their lives.
My discouragement came that this was not "my" experience. We shared as long term missionaries our deep love for the people of Mongolia, the challenges, difficulty, hard lessons God taught us as we were serving in Mongolia & the few joys that really were amazing. We had no conversions let alone 100's & being totally honest had many more difficulties than fun times.
I mean really, we were so much of a downer compared to the amazing sounding short term mission experiences. I know that 1 short term person saw that our experience is different & possibly understood. But in this culture of happiness, feel good, hide from difficulty, suppress my weaknesses & run away from pain leaves you feeling so lost, so weird & many times on the outside of even God's people.
I have to say that there are many days I cry my eyes out, scream at God because "I want to be ignorant, I want to live guilt free with the little money I have, I want life to not be so hard & complicated!!" But after my crying stops I find myself (usually) on my knees saying "blessed be your name God, You are worthy to be praised, it's not about my comfort & I am willing to serve you no matter what.
I have such a deeper appreciation, understanding & real view of the real life pain, struggle & joy that the prophet/prophetess', Israelites, disciples & apostles had in my bible. I think I am slowly learning how really "narrow the path is" God has called us to.
God gave me this verse this morning:
For here the saying holds true, "One sows and another reaps." I sent you to reap that for which you did not labour. Others have laboured, and you have entered into their labour. John 4:37-38
I felt him (God) say this to me, "Matt I asked you, Teresa & your children to sow & you are sowing. I know it's hard, but you are glorifying me."
I know the rest God will take care of. Seriously depending on God daily is one of the hardest things I have ever & will continue to do.