Teresa & Esme are still in the countryside having a wonderful time. Esme is playing with the Mongolian girls close to the ger where she is staying, learning how to felt a purse, bookmarks & jewellery with Mongolian women. Teresa is having fun spending time with our friends (30 hour car ride) laughing, sharing, crying, encouraging & learning. Kiel & I are having a great time at home together. Kiel went to a sleepover & I went to my Indian (from India) friends home for his amazing curry over the weekend. Kiel & I are fixing, watching movies, playing, building lego, asking questions & sharing together (fun, scary, difficult, & life stuff.) We have been slowing down our lives for a few days just because we realize the gift we have been given.
As you have been reading our posts & the times I weekly spend at the hospice God has been really speaking to me today. I have been asked many times in the last few days, "Matt what do you want?" At 1st I could come up with a couple of things, but before answering would pause & (in my head) "Matt, what do you want?" then I realized that what I want can't really be bought. I want to spend time with our family & friends sharing a home cooked meal. I want to learn better Mongolian, which means spending more time being with & talking to Mongolians. I want to learn Russian so that I can talk more with the Russians I have befriended in our building. I could buy something (books, software, an instructor, etc...), but deep down when my old (60's) friend offers to teach me over coffee or the Russian kids ask me to sit outside the building an hour a week know that the relationship with him or the kids is worth far more than what money can buy.
I have to be honest that sitting with terminally ill Mongolians, old, young, children, men, women, in pain & feeling no pain has really challenged me in my life as to what I need & what I don't need. What in life matters. Deep down every week there is a part of me that doesn't want me to go to the hospice. This voice in my head saying, "you have to be busy with other things, what are you going to say, what are you going to do, why are you doing this to yourself, it's so depressing , there has to be something you could do that is easier." But deep down there is this voice that says, "Matt, you want to better your Mongolian, you want to spend more time with Mongolians, you want to visit & share life with more Mongolians. Then share it with these people that need it most, the dieing patients, the doctors, nurses & families."
I am scared most of the time I am there because I think I am inadequate & in many ways think I am. But when the patients & families say, "thank-you" even when all I did was sit next to them, talk or pray with when asked in my elementary Mongolian realize it's not about me. Here I have (Teresa & the kids too) realized that giving of ourselves is really hard & many times hurts, but when you see what you are able to give (love, kindness, peace, friendship & relationship) makes it a place where it's not only bearable, but a place where you love. Things (stuff) come & go, but it is the people you live with/around & the relationships you have with them that last for a lifetime.
As we prepare for the new things to come don't let your things (material, other) be a cover, mask, a gift that will allow you to not deepen your relationships with people you love or the people you know you need to reach out to & start a relationship with. Also please don't think you need to have something 1st before you reach out to someone, start a relationship with someone or repair/reconcile an important relationship with someone. All they need is you.